Because they haven't the courage to break freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
I am a girl in a box. I have my warm, smiley, free-spirited self which I like very much. I don't know if I am really like that, just I imagine I am.
All of the interns at prep week have been working on an Evening Program to present to the community. I was assigned a part that required me to break out of my box. I didn't like that. I was very stubborn about it at first. I had my box and it worked for me. Unfortunately for me, I'm not in charge of the program... and so I've had to learn to get out of my box. In all truth, its good for me. I realize that now.
If only the rest of my boxes were that simple! I don't think I have to tell you that I have placed most of the interns in boxes too, only to find, day by day, that I was wrong. I am constantly learning new things and realizing my own foibles.
Then of course, I put God in a box. I thought I wasn't. Really. I thought I was doing okay, but I'm not.
I've known for a long time that I can develop relationships with others and learn many truths about God through discussions with other people. This week, I've realized that discussions aren't the only way to grow closer to others and to God.
At home, discussions are my primary form of food for the brain. I usually don't participate in discussions as much as I listen. I rarely have anything to share, but I learn so much! I love it!
Now, coming to prep week, I knew I was going to get to talk to some very amazing people. I really really really want to get to know them. More than that, I want to seek God. I want to understand!
So, naturally, I assumed that we'd be having lots of deep, wonderful discussions all the time because everybody wanted to get to know each other and God better. I was correct that everybody wanted to know each other and God better. However, I got the part about the discussions wrong. I have had some absolutely amazing discussions, but not as many as I expected.
A few nights I went to bed feeling like nothing had happened. I had this giant desire to connect with people and to understand God, but no way to meet that desire.
There are a few people here who I have decided are perfect for discussing life with me. I have tried to make some sort of discussion happen once or twice. [I apologize if you have been a victim of my attempts at discussions!] I am a terrible discussion facilitator. Besides, I argue, I am no good at having discussions. I just want to listen. I don't know what to ask people, I complain.
This evening, I saw two people having just the discussion I wanted to be part of. It reminded me of home and of Reg10n. It was perfect, except that both of them were guys. I decided it was probably a discussion I wasn't welcome in and watched from the sidelines...
"If I only I knew everybody better, so that I could participate in the discussion without it feeling awkward!" I thought to myself.
What I desired was just out of reach. I went to bed rather crest fallen.
"Things never happen the same way twice, dear one." - Aslan
So, I have been thinking about and this is the conclusion I have come to. Maybe it's a bit simplistic, but: there is more than one way to get to know people and glorify God.
Looking over the past days, I discovered that I have built relationships and learned about God while dancing in the rain, singing, listening to the crickets, watching the stars wink at me, playing Frisbee, reading the Bible together, praying together, hugging people goodnight, swinging on a hammock, eating meals, working on projects, and memorizing.
It's been just amazing. I've sought to understand people and God better and I am understanding more and more every day... all outside of my box.
Boxes tend to rule my life, telling me how to act and how things are supposed to happen. It stinks. But I don't want to leave my box and try something new.
I miss my pre-tour life. I miss you all.
But I am here now, suffering from an overabundance of boxes. I've got to break free.
He man who thinks he knows something does not yet know as he ought to know.
-2 Cor 8:2
-2 Cor 8:2